| (no subject) |
[Jan. 8th, 2009|01:37 pm] |
its like i'm here all over again
but i'm not going back
i can't let things obsess and posses me anymore
i'm not a victim any longer
no now i'm so much stronger
shit don't faze me
some say its cuz i'm apathetic
i don't know that i believe that
as a matter of fact
i care alot about everything
its just i'm not gonna let it control who i am
theres no reason to let someone else take the wheel
the light is yellow but i'm still going through
cuz to stop means i'd have to lose
i gotta keep moving forward even if it hurts a bit
so rip off the band-aid
and let nature take its course
i have no remorse
i've already have my plans i've already set my course |
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| weak |
[Oct. 8th, 2008|11:38 pm] |
i use to be so strong
i use to stand tall
i use to be the pillar when they all would fall
but now i'm so weak
i can barely speak
stand up for whats right
seems like a fight
but taking flight
would take so much less
and i'm tired at best
and i can't go on
but i'm still singing our song
i wish it didn't have to be
i wish it could be just you and me
but times are changing
and i can't blame ya
i'd probably do the same
with a kid without a future
or at least not one set in stone
but it feels like i'm here alone |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 24th, 2008|11:22 pm] |
weird feeling right now
i start classes tomorrow
i feel weird with the group of people i've been hanging with
geoff is leaving thursday morning and thats gonna be super tough
he's the last one left
and on top of that he's my best friend
i'll be alright i know that, but for the first couple of weeks its gonna be super tough
i donno what i want to major in and i don't even have a clue
what do you guys think i should do? if you have any ideas tell me please
i just feel like everything is gonna fall apart this up coming week
who knows
just gotta stick it out i guess |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 19th, 2008|01:47 am] |
I'll always fight for you
better yet i'll fight for us
even tho this distance is gonna be rough
Life without you is gonna be tough
i'm gonna miss you.
keep moving forward
your gonna do great things
don't compromise
and keep your head up
I love you
Jordan Paulsen |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2008|10:24 pm] |
you ever just suddenly realize that your not happy with life
and you don't know how to fix it
and every little bit of energy you spent probably won't come back
and that you don't have as many people to pick you up as you need
yet you always pick up everyone around you
and "when i go down i go down hard" (Relint K)
i just got to be careful not to fall into depression
which sounds pretty easy but for me its not
i pour my energy into everyone and i get re-energized by people investing back into my life
which doesn't always happen..
i'm scared for the future
i'm gonna miss all my awesome friends Geoff Darrelle Bri Katie Karyn
I;m gonna miss the people going back to college Bryndon Kristy (they really help bring life into perspective)
I don't know what to do with myself
i'm to old for frontline unless i become a leader (i donno if thats what i want to do)
i donno what to do about work (cuz i take it to seriously sometimes.. if there is such a thing)
Scared about school..
Scared about who i'm gonna lean on when everyone is gone
I know i have a few but people get busy
i donno what to do about a church
i'm way too bitter at ours
and i don't want to have to talk to everyone to fix it
I don't know how to deal with the spot light treatment
alot of pressure thats not needed
yeah just me keeping yall updated with life
Jordan Paulsen |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 21st, 2008|01:48 am] |
I Am Nothing But An Idiot A Liar A Theft An Adulteress and a Loser
I Judge People I Stereo Type People I Hate People I Spread Rumors About People
I Have Miss Lead Kids Teens And Adults Friends And Foes
I Deceive People
I Am Two Faced
I'm Fake
I Am Prideful
I Hide From Situations
When A Problem Arises I Run
I Fear Not Being Liked
I Will Do Almost Anything To Find Acceptance
I Will Use People Because I Get Sick Of How Others Treat Me
I Am A Bad Friend
I Am A Bad Son Sibling
I Am A Horrible Christian
I Am The Scum Of The Earth
And Because Of This He Died For Me |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 16th, 2008|11:36 am] |
brothers
you love them
you hate them
you can never get rid of them
but at the same time you would never want to
as much crap as they alway give you
you know they care about you more than anyone else in the world
sometimes they do questionable things
yet i have more respect for them than anyone
i love them and got their backs always |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2008|11:13 pm] |
I don't know who to trust
And this who god thing just ain't enough
Your always suppose to have someone who will hold you high
Someone who helps you reach the sky
But it seems like I'm dying
I need someone to put me on life support
I can't do it all anymore
I'm in a mission that i have to abort
And I'm setting sail for another port
Long gone
Not coming back
Time to find someone who always has my back
If only there was someone who couldn't let me down
Someone who could find a way to heal my frown
I'm bound by chains that won't let me go
I'm so far gone you don't even know
And the worst part about this is "I wasn't always this way"
But your words your lies "Just keep eating me away" |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 11th, 2008|11:26 pm] |
i am officaly sick of almost everyone
you know people so well then they turn on you
in the blink of an eye they snap into this other person
wig out over something small and don't really care about your motives ever
well to all of you people i say fuck you
i've always looked out for you guys and thought of you as my friends
not anymore Fuck You
Goodbye and Stay The Hell Away From Me
And keep your new friends away from me
I don't wanna See you
And i don't want to know about whats going on
I don't want to care anymore
Just know that i've always looked out for you
And always had your back
Never talked shit about you
And called people out when they do
I've always Befriended you even when you screwed me over
I listened to you when you needed it
I went out of my way to make sure you were ok
But now you have what you want
So i am obsolete
So don't come back
Goodnight And Goodbye |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 8th, 2008|04:01 am] |
i tell myself there is no winning
and i almost believe it
people are ignorant and arrogant
but there is always hope
they ask for your opinion then they ignore it
they ask for your help then they run from it
running from the truth that they don't want to hear
it only applies when they want it to
justifications are okay for you
but face the facts
you wanna run away
well when you wake up please run back |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 2nd, 2008|02:52 am] |
locked in this cycle that will never end
concentrating on categories of commercialism's and concepts of constitutions
and revolutions that revolve around reshaping are history
but beyond our borders there is a war that goes on that we choose to ignore
but before we waste our time on wondering where when and why
why don't we devote ourselves to discipline and dignity
by destroying our pride and public image
we care too much about what average joe wants to see
that we don't ever stop to realize just who we be
they wonder why they want to cry at the end of the night
but as we look in the sky its clear to you and i
just who we've become
we've made ourselves number one
and now we're done
its lost its fun i wasn't the only one
we've lost control
theres no hope in me
it was clear to see
but it was blind to me
running away from the only thing that could set me free
i want you to be
the only thing that i see
so i'm begging you please
come back to me |
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| Its always been said that i got a big head |
[May. 24th, 2008|01:46 am] |
What a Free Fall
We said that we'd stand tall
But i guess when all is said
Our country is dead
We lost our morals
And the more we compromise
The more our country dies
Theres no more stands
Cuz all winners lie
Lets see how far we've fallen
We can't even hear our father callin
We much rather be in the gym ballin
Than fallin on our knees
Lord i beggin you please
Please come back to me
Cuz without you i can't see past me
I know that i arrogant
And completely self-centered
But the more that they believe in me
The more i realize that i need you
So its time to choose
Between me and you
I'm standing alone
I have nothing to lose |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 14th, 2008|11:20 pm] |
talk shit get hit
you all politics till it hits your court
run away when you hit an argument
i'm sick of everyone hissing and pitching a fit when things don't go their way
you say that your real but are you here to stay
your the top dog
but i'm gonna knock you out
you better quit now if you know what i'm talking about
walk away with your pride instead of trying to lie
you can't lie your way out of trouble no more
you can't go and play these political games
its really kinda lame
so don't blame me
you know who's fault it is
just change and everything will be ok
you lose if you stay the same |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 6th, 2008|09:38 pm] |
Rules and Regulations are part of a Religion
but maybe this Jesus is the thing that we've been missin
They say Happy and Healthy Hearts start with cherios
But in reality its Humility that really makes the Hero
They say pride comes before the fall
But it seems like thats not true at all
Because Arrogance and Anger are what controls America
You don't believe me just look at those millionaires
But who cares cuz in reality there gonna fall
Its only a matter of time before Christ rules them all |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 6th, 2008|12:37 am] |
third day
third kiss
third times a charm
nothing lasts
everything fades
your long gone but i'm here to stay
lost in love that i'll never find
lost in a girl who's no longer mine
it can seem so great for sometime
but in the end you'll never shine
its like i'm blind and out of my mind
i think its real
and rightfully so
i get sucked in
then they say to go
theres no winning
i'm born to fail
its like playing kobe in the nba
2nd round rookie they say good luck
but in reality i'm royaly F$#ked |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 29th, 2008|01:57 am] |
Its weird how one talk can change your whole perspective on someone
its weird how no matter how much you want something to happen
in the end you know its best if nothing happens
its weird how when you think your doing the right thing
you can end up hurting someone in the long run
its weird how no matter how many times we expect things to change
they never do
and unless you do something about it
they never will
today is a new day
every day i have to tell myself the same thing
its Christ who validates me
no one else
and until i can really grasp that concept i'll never grow
its weird how much i care about what everyone around me thinks about me
and i'm always getting on other peoples cases about the same thing
even tho everything is "ok"
i'm not happy i'm not even content with where i'm at
it seems like nothing will ever work out
no matter how "good" things get it won't ever be good enough
no matter how much i can trust my friends
deep down inside i feel like they'll always leave me
whether it be a few months when they go to college
or a couple years down the road
nothing last that long
is it worth it? |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2008|01:25 am] |
When things are going bad its easy to call on God and put him first
But when things are going good its so easy to close the door on him
Sometimes we fear that he will change what we think is good
Its like we're saying "God you don't know whats best for me"
Its easy to run from people who have the right answer
We know they know whats right but we don't want to hear it sometimes
Its easy to go "All In" when nothings on the line
But when we're playing for keeps is when we get hesitant to trust God
~Jordan~ |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 20th, 2008|12:55 am] |
You ever felt completely lost?
well thats where i'm at right now
i know i'm not who i should be
and i know i'm not where i should be
but at the same time i don't know where i need to be
or who i should be
i don't know what kind of friends i have
i know that if i have to talk that i can find someone
but it doesn't seem like many people give a rip unless i chase after them
if i don't make the effort they won't. you know what i'm saying?
i use to be such a huge part in so many peoples lives
but now i'm just there.
maybe God is trying to show me something i donno
maybe i need to take a step back from everything
I also get angery when people make the same mistakes over and over again
little do i realize thats what God goes through everyday
I need to show people more grace
And i need to find something or someone who can help me feel alive again |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 14th, 2008|11:30 pm] |
Just sit back
cuz theres nothing you can do
Just wait
cuz theres something that i have to go through
I know it will hurt you
and sorry for your pain
but just let me make that one mistake again
And i know that your mad at me
I know it hurts you to see me here again
But at the same time i know you'll be there after i'm done
Wait
It doesn't have to be this way
Wait
Don't cause yourself all this pain
Your so much better than that
You don't have to go back
Your out that door don't turn back |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 12th, 2008|10:36 pm] |
Man i miss old times
i was just looking at some old photos from bible study and even just hanging out with people
and i miss how everything was
i miss my old friendship
all of my friendships have changed and only a couple of them for the better
i miss when we all use to be tight
i miss how everything was easy and there were no problems and if there were they were small or insignificant
everyone had everyones back
its wasn't like we didn't like anybody and if we didn't we didn't let it effect the group
i guess all that comes down to how well you know people
i wish i didn't know people as well as i know them now
or at least i wish i didn't view people like i do now
yeah i know things got to change and we have to grow but it sucks
i wish it was easy like it use to be |
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